Official comfort-maintenance reporting for a pillow that will not hold a fluff. Every report is final. No sag is ever un-sagged.
The Bureau of Unsolicited Rearrangement exists to formally fluff pillows that were never asked to be fluffed, one tap at a time, and issue a report about it.
Each fluff generates its own case number, its own Comfort Held duration, and one closing remark, filed the instant the pillow sags back to its resting shape.
Fluffing is applied with full technical precision. Un-fluffing occurs immediately afterward, also with full technical precision.
Pillow Compliance is measured continuously and has never read above 0%. This is not considered a defect.
The Bureau's lifetime tally of Fluffs Administered never decreases, regardless of how quickly each fluff was undone.
This is considered a feature.
Corrections may be requested by fluffing the pillow again. The Bureau will weigh the new report exactly as heavily as the old one: not at all.
The Persistent Pillow is provided for entertainment purposes only. No pillow was professionally cleaned, no comfort was independently verified, and no fluff was ever confirmed to last.